The Partner

So last night I made the mistake of checking my phone and saw that a call had come from work while I was napping. It was Wednesday, which is supposed to be my day off. Of course, I listened to the message and they were asking if I could come into our Park Avenue office to work a special meeting. I really hadn’t had enough sleep to work all night but for some reason, I agreed.

This place is used for big meetings and I knew my job was going to be ordering food, putting out snacks, making coffee and in the end, doing whatever The Partner asked me to do. And The Partner in charge, well I can’t really describe him well among polite company so I’ll let you use your imagination. I’ll just say that the rule in dealing with him is “Give him whatever he wants.”

For some reason, I’ve never been afraid of him. One time a few years ago, I was down the hall away from the phone, which was ringing. He was standing over it yelling down the hall, “Hey you, the phone! The phone!” I’ve never done well with “hey you” when I’ve been working with you for months and you haven’t bothered to know my name. So I yelled back, “Well, pick it up. It’s probably for you.” He picked it up. It was for him. That was it. I never heard any more about it.

Anyway, last night, I knew I wouldn’t have to worry about falling asleep. I knew he’d keep me hopping.

I arrived before any of the attorneys or clients. What kind of people call a meeting for midnight?

I made coffee and raided the pantry to put out chips, nuts and cookies. I put out a modest amount. The Partner and a couple of other attorneys arrived and went into the conference room. The Partner came out and said, “If our hunger is any indication, we need to put out more food.” I went in and they, in about five minutes, had reduced the chips and nuts to crumbs. I put out more.

In came about twenty people, mostly all grumpy. A couple of the men I recognized from TV, New York City bigwigs. Immediately The Partner came out to me and said, “We’re going to move into the other conference room.” So, I had to move all the food, coffee, ice, sodas, plates and napkins into the other conference room. And these strange people started their meeting as soon as they got there and they looked at me like I was some kind of zoo animal interrupting their meeting.

Then The Partner came out and said, “It is really hot in here. Can you turn on the air conditioner?” I had to call the coordinator of the conference center (at home at 1:00 a.m.) to ask her how to turn on the air conditioner. It wasn’t in the handbook.

A few minutes later, The Partner came out again, holding out his hand full of Chex mix and said, “Can we get some of this crap in here.”

I said, “Yes, I’ll get some more crap.” Really, that’s what I said.

I went back into the pantry and found more chips, pretzels, Chex mix and Cheetos. Honestly, who wants to eat Cheetos when you’re reading lots of important papers?

I went into the conference room again and everyone looked at my again like I was a spy.

All of the bowls of “crap” still seemed to be overflowing. I’m not sure what he thought they needed more of but I put it all out.

Then I went back to my desk. I can't talk about what the deal was all about. By now it is all over the New York Times and Wall Street Journal. I know there was a lot of yelling and a lot of throwing around of phrases like “hundred million dollars” and “twenty thousand dollars a week.” A lady burst out of the door followed by The Partner. “I can’t stay here,” she said, “we’re handing this deal over to him. I can’t stay.”

So then there was a three-way split in the meeting. One group went into the original conference room where there was now no food. Evidently this group was “counsel for the other side” because The Partner didn’t seem to care if they had crap to eat or water to drink.

At about 3:30 a.m., The Partner came to me and said, “Everyone is cold, can we turn up the heat.”

I told him I’d check into it. I went into the conference room, check the thermostats, which read 68º and turned off the a/c. There was some applause. I have to say, it was really chilly.

Five minutes later he came back, “Any luck on warming it up in here? They are talking about breaking up the table for fire wood.” And I’m thinking, “Who wanted it to be cool? This is not my fault.”

I checked the handbook and it clearly read, “There is no supplemental heating.” It was not going to warm up quickly.

Then I got a call from our downtown office from the lady sitting where I normally sit answering the phone that I normally answer. The Partner had called her to see if she could find someone who knew how to warm up the room. Normally, if he’d called this number, he’d have gotten me. But he got her. So she called me. She was going to call the guy who normally worked there. It was 4:00 a.m. I told her that she could call him if she wanted but I wasn’t going to wake him up.

A few minutes later, he called me, having been awakened, “There is no supplemental heating,” he said..

I sent The Partner and email that said, “There is no supplemental heating.”

All the parties came back together at about 4:30. There was some yelling and a lot of talk about “drawing up the contract” and more talking of “hundreds of millions of dollars.” I also heard the words “cold as a meat locker.”

And then at about 5:00 a.m., everyone walked out. One minute everyone was talking and “conferring” in general and then suddenly, everyone was walking out. Everyone seemed pretty happy. I know I was.

The Partner asked me to call him a car. I resisted the temptation to say, “You’re a car.”

I called cars for him and three others. Not two minutes later, the Partner came out and said, “Any word on the cars?”

I told him I’d called but I was still waiting for cars to be assigned. “Well, we’re going out to the street. Email me with car numbers.”

They left. The car company called with car numbers for the four attorneys. I emailed The Partner. He called and said, “We got yellow cabs. Cancel the cars.”

I canceled the cars.

I went into the conference room. The bowls full of “crap” seemed to be full. I think everyone must have had the same idea about Cheetos that I did. There were dozens of water bottles, half empty (or half full, depending on what kind of person you are) and lots of wadded napkins and a dozen or so half empty soda cans (all diet).

It was over.

Some of my co-workers refuse to work this conference center. They say, “I’m not a maid.” But I sometimes enjoy the clean-up when the lawyers are all gone. I have a Masters Degree but I don’t feel it degrading to play the maid every once in awhile. Believe me, I’ve seen these people throwing around their “hundreds of millions of dollars” and I know I’m a million times happier cleaning up after them than they ever are when they get up in the morning.